Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
