worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
i now understand why vodka
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
