Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
