Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
