next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
