If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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