We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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