Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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