Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
