Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
