A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
