I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I think I am morally bankrupt
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
