The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
3 2 1 whiskey
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
