Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
