The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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