Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
