..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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