Kiss
Puke
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Randomize
