Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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