I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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