Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
