is your mom at the bar?
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
