she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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