I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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