Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
