ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
