I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
