you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
is wine microwaveable?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
