He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Mom said you looked used
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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