Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
