we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
