I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
