meet me or not, i'm out of control
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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