Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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