If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
