So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
