so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
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