Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
