So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
