she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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