I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
