cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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