you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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