Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
