I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
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he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
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A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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