Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
