Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
