Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
