Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
