I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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