Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
