The maid of honor just puked.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
