proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
