Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
