and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
