WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
