UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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