did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just threw up on my dentist
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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