OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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