Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
