So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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