Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Randomize
