I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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