I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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