Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Four minutes until I can fart!
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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