I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
