I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
cat food counts as protein by the way
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
