He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Hippo gnu deer
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
