Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
