I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
