"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
