dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
