I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
