You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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