After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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