i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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