I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
