So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
