There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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