I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
