I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize