the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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