Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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